Reflection Eternal

reflection eternal

My President is Black

My president is black in fact he’s half white
So even in a racists mind hes half right
So if you got a racists mind its alright
My president is black but his house is all white
Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther could walk
Martin Luther walked so Barack Obama could run
Barack Obama ran so all the children could fly
So Ima spread my wings you can meet in the sky

New Years Resolution

Okay I know I am late and it is now January 5th but i am vowing to write at least twice a week to keep my mind open and my thoughts flowing....

Highs 2 Lows- Cise Starr and Nujabes

Individual stars float in the ocean of God
Rocking a pinky ring of Saturn while I'm visiting Mars
Egos bigger than Jupiter are breaking the bars
Holding me back down to Earth to physical laws
Touching the moon, grace as I ready resumed
Comets flying through space bringing possible doom
Blocking the sun, bring a holocaust to the world
I'm talking back to Father Time, Mother Earth is my girl
I got the wings of angels walking down the valley of death
Watching my step, 'cause The Devil's never one to respect
Come correct on the studio track, taking it back
To the pen and pad, I blast the original rap
Brother on the B-Boy tip, we cry more spit
I tag the charts with the graphical hits
So who you fucking with, arm leg led to arm head
Snapping your neck back while you spit out a Pez
I be the original son of a bitch, hurting your wrist
'Cause you spinning my shit so much the needle skipped
Flip to the rhythm and reminisce, remember the days of
'94 [Nine Four] hip-hop was a gift
Words out of her lips came straight from the heart
Never prepackaged or bought, over negative thought
Peddle to consumers, magazines, and rumors
Commercial spots turn real artists to looters
Precise rap, rock and roll, nigga lets do this
I'll float through those break beats with my maneuvers

Yo regardless
While I be moving swiftly through darkness
Plotting, charting my path, I'm running, cutting my losses
Stumbling over unknown bumps and complications
And tribulations of my life of revelations[x2]

Speaking to scorpions making my heart turn to porcelain
That used to have a steady beat now its easily broken
My coast and train of thought stopped emotions
Welling at the core of my being causing commotion
Need to release, 'cause the stress tearing me to pieces
My love ceases and my thoughts break into leases
The height of my life, but the strife making me leave this
I can't beat this, going to God to defeat this
Will he help, or do I have to do this myself?
Alone and confused, the blues burden my heath
My eyes remain closed 'cause my highs are lows
I'm feeling the blows of rain cause my pain is cold
Now who am I, a man or a pawn in life?
Living day to day, I pray am I wrong or right
Losing my mind so maybe you can help me find
The way to go so I can be leaving this pain behind
Trying to sleep, "Sleep is the cousin of death,"
Said a wise man from Queensbridge, on beats he blessed
Trying to rest, instead I rest my head
On a pillow of hardships, misery is the bed
On my back, I lie, I can see the skies
Through the glass ceiling, the reason tears drowning my eyes
And I can't move, grief won't let me think
My soul is dry; I crawl just to take a drink
I made you blink, think like a visible man
With mechanical hands trying to reach out to my fans

Yo regardless
While I be moving swiftly through darkness
Plotting, charting my path, I'm running, cutting my losses
Stumbling over unknown bumps and complications
And tribulations of my life of revelations[x2]

Yo viscosity of the hidden meaning between the words
Thicken the plot, I caught hidden rhythms and verse
I'm loading the hearse, you biting like a Dracula curse
I'm bringing the worst of hurt like a sermon in church
Pertaining to you, hurts just to listen to truth
So you'd rather listen to lies, so you're living to lose
I'm beginning to win, young man, master descend
Battle within, looking at The Devil and grin
I'm flipping the script, walking on the journey and trip
On the gurney they missed, and the fact that life is a bitch
And I'm hating this shit, losing blood, making me crip
With stakes aside, bet, and I lost the grip
Searching for bliss, with the razor over my wrist
Needing a job but the drug test's checking my piss
I'm looking through a window, we're singing immaculate concepts reborn
Peace in my core with seven swords and knight in a war
Looking to the eyes of the lord, calculating what more
Seeing the signs of heaven nevermore
The last matador riding the pale horse, losing my course
Splitting the hairs, causing divorce
Marriage unborn, I havoc in song, I stumbled upon
Lost jewels of thought, thought to be gone
Lost forever, I sever motherfuckers with letters
Written in script, forward to the rap that I rip
From the top of the lip, make a drink, taking a sip
Then I'm gulping the shit
Falling deeper in the abyss...

Rant on immaturity

I have an old soul. A lot of things I want out of life, many 23 year old African-Americans do not (more often males). Marriage, a family, etc. However, being in medical school makes it impossible (for me personally) to pursue those avenues. Many of my classmates are married with one or more kids or just married period. Being in a relationship while "fighting in the Vietnam War" which is medical school, can be a hassle. It makes no sense to me right now. Women are emotional and sometimes men are too. So say for instance an argument ensues over the way one partner is feeling. It may be a misunderstanding that turns into hours of arguing over the phone. Afterwards, that turns into hours of feeling bad or worrying while trying to learn. Time is vital! I feel bad for taking a shower sometimes because I feel like I should be studying. So imagine having a seemingly worthless or extensive argument when all you really want to do is learn the parasympathetic control of the nasal mucosa. That being said, I think it is better to stay single for as long as possible while in medical school. 

Oh! One more rant. I just realized there are levels of immaturity. Some guys will try to hide their true intentions of using you for a f*ck buddy, or simultaneously dating other people, etc. This is the majority of guys my age. They care about money, sex, and swagger (which is nauseating and over-rated). There are also those guys who think they know what they want and then n amount of time into the relationship they change their mind. There's nothing wring with not being interested in a person anymore but for goodness sakes let's not take backwards steps and revert back to the previously stated mind state. Then there are the mature immature. They have immature intentions but are mature enough to recite a monologue to you (even if you don't ask) about what they want or intend. If someone is flat out telling you, "I'm no good" and you can't handle that emotionally, about-face and move on. If I was interested in dating right now, I would prefer the latter. It's the lesser of the two evils. It prevents any future confusion and you ride at your own risk. Personally, I think I'm too cute for either option. Okay I'm going to bed now. Deuces.

Criteria

I discriminate. When it comes to men, I say no to: light skin, athletes, pretty boys, short stature...East-coasters...those with no phone...those with no direction in life, those that care about swagger and gettin money (there's more to life sorry)...my list is long and weeds out a lot of confusion. Okay some are listed jokingly and are based on past experiences. I would rather be compatible with a guy with a gorilla face than an ass hole with a baby face. I can't handle a guy who thinks they look better than me (lol jk) or that they can have any women they want. I like wearing heels sometimes and if I have to bend down to hug you its not okay. Haven't you ever heard the Biggie song "Mo Money Mo Problems?" Okay that was a strange rant but I think my discrimination is worth noting. good nite

Let It All Go

Best piece of advice I have received this year: "Keep it pushin..." from my best friend Chantal. By listening to her, I was able to end the mental/emotional slavery I had willingly suscepted myself to for 4 years. These are some lessons I learned by doing so....

Some people are no good for you
I once thought that patience was more important than listening to your conscience. Sometimes I wish I never met certain people. Sometimes I wish I never stepped into certain situations. Every girl goes through it. You think you can change a guy. No matter how much you hear from others that you cannot, you think your situation is different. Well, I don't know about yours but mine situations were not "special." Some people are no good for you. Pay attention to the clues. Especially the blatant ones. (i.e. I just realized, if a 5'2'' female "attacks" your inebriated 6'4'' dude's neck, odds are he LET her have access, as in he was within her reach. I can barely reach his neck when he is standing haha...how naive was I?). Also, there comes a time when the no title thing becomes old and worn out. Pack it up and keep it pushin....


Never compromise yourself to please another
This is a big one. Over the course of my undergrad, I changed so much to appeal to my love interests that I totally lost myself in the process. Constant criticism, low self-esteem, bad habits....you name it, I fell victim. By the time I graduated, and arrived back in Cali, I was so lost. Who was I? Who had I become? Luckily, it only took the summer for me to get back on track. Moving up to the bay with my sis and grinding it out on MCAT was the smartest, most disciplined step I have ever taken. I was focused on finding myself. I exited a miserable relationship in the process and although it was difficult, in the end I had never been happier. You really begin to love someone when they accept you for who you are and you accept them for who they are. I once had someone try to be "perfect" in order to please me....like they were doing me a favor...that didn't last very long. If you are naturally an ass, then dude, just be an ass. Don't go Dr. Jeckel on people. Change to better yourself and if you can't change your negative attributes and you know that's the best thing for the relationshp, let it go....


Sometimes the only positive thing one can get out of being in a relationship is actually getting out of the relationship
This came to me today actually. I've been in situations in which I was stucl like glue. I knew throughout most of the time that they were not ideal situations. However, I thought waiting for a change to occur was the best thing to do. Sometimes the changes came, but they were so short lived. I was sad 75% of the time. Who needs that? Again, let it go....

Sometimes being in love is an overstatement
I've realized I have only really been in love and in a real relationship once in my life in high school. I define them as so: both people love or care about eachother equally and decide to be together on mutual grounds. There is no pressure for titles nor does anyone ever feel used. Each wants what is best for the other and is truly committed. No one has to sacrifice any part of themselves in order to be with one another. Each person respects the other...respect doesn't need to be defined...it is naturally understood. So...those other things...just school house rock stuff. Thanks anyways....

Some people need to be cut off...PERIOD
I don't ever want to make anyone uncomfortable in regards to having male friends. I never took this statement as serious as I have now. I deleted everything that reminds me or anyone else of my past relationships. I mean why hold on to the pain when you can do everything in your power to forget and move on? No need to keep all those sad and dreary Word documents in which I poured my heart out about how horribly they made me feel. Let it go. No need to keep those pictures of us cuddling...Let it go. No need to keep those itunes playlist that reflect your emotional state during the relationships. LET IT ALL GO.....it is so necessary. Do it in order to make room for the new possibilities/blessings that God will bless you with. Do it to let your new love interests know you are ready for this. Do it to truly accept this breath of fresh air. Do it even if you are single. You will be surprised how much weight these shackles add to your life. Oh and one more thing...stop speaking to those you have dated in the past. Seriously. There's no need to speak or text everyday. That's how you get mixed up and confused. Do yourself a favor and cease contact until YOU are ready. Focus on yourself before you focus on others. Don't worry about hurting their feelings. They will get over it. It's all part of letting go and keepin it pushin....