Sunday, September 30, 2007

Let It All Go

Best piece of advice I have received this year: "Keep it pushin..." from my best friend Chantal. By listening to her, I was able to end the mental/emotional slavery I had willingly suscepted myself to for 4 years. These are some lessons I learned by doing so....

Some people are no good for you
I once thought that patience was more important than listening to your conscience. Sometimes I wish I never met certain people. Sometimes I wish I never stepped into certain situations. Every girl goes through it. You think you can change a guy. No matter how much you hear from others that you cannot, you think your situation is different. Well, I don't know about yours but mine situations were not "special." Some people are no good for you. Pay attention to the clues. Especially the blatant ones. (i.e. I just realized, if a 5'2'' female "attacks" your inebriated 6'4'' dude's neck, odds are he LET her have access, as in he was within her reach. I can barely reach his neck when he is standing naive was I?). Also, there comes a time when the no title thing becomes old and worn out. Pack it up and keep it pushin....

Never compromise yourself to please another
This is a big one. Over the course of my undergrad, I changed so much to appeal to my love interests that I totally lost myself in the process. Constant criticism, low self-esteem, bad name it, I fell victim. By the time I graduated, and arrived back in Cali, I was so lost. Who was I? Who had I become? Luckily, it only took the summer for me to get back on track. Moving up to the bay with my sis and grinding it out on MCAT was the smartest, most disciplined step I have ever taken. I was focused on finding myself. I exited a miserable relationship in the process and although it was difficult, in the end I had never been happier. You really begin to love someone when they accept you for who you are and you accept them for who they are. I once had someone try to be "perfect" in order to please they were doing me a favor...that didn't last very long. If you are naturally an ass, then dude, just be an ass. Don't go Dr. Jeckel on people. Change to better yourself and if you can't change your negative attributes and you know that's the best thing for the relationshp, let it go....

Sometimes the only positive thing one can get out of being in a relationship is actually getting out of the relationship
This came to me today actually. I've been in situations in which I was stucl like glue. I knew throughout most of the time that they were not ideal situations. However, I thought waiting for a change to occur was the best thing to do. Sometimes the changes came, but they were so short lived. I was sad 75% of the time. Who needs that? Again, let it go....

Sometimes being in love is an overstatement
I've realized I have only really been in love and in a real relationship once in my life in high school. I define them as so: both people love or care about eachother equally and decide to be together on mutual grounds. There is no pressure for titles nor does anyone ever feel used. Each wants what is best for the other and is truly committed. No one has to sacrifice any part of themselves in order to be with one another. Each person respects the other...respect doesn't need to be is naturally understood. So...those other things...just school house rock stuff. Thanks anyways....

Some people need to be cut off...PERIOD
I don't ever want to make anyone uncomfortable in regards to having male friends. I never took this statement as serious as I have now. I deleted everything that reminds me or anyone else of my past relationships. I mean why hold on to the pain when you can do everything in your power to forget and move on? No need to keep all those sad and dreary Word documents in which I poured my heart out about how horribly they made me feel. Let it go. No need to keep those pictures of us cuddling...Let it go. No need to keep those itunes playlist that reflect your emotional state during the relationships. LET IT ALL is so necessary. Do it in order to make room for the new possibilities/blessings that God will bless you with. Do it to let your new love interests know you are ready for this. Do it to truly accept this breath of fresh air. Do it even if you are single. You will be surprised how much weight these shackles add to your life. Oh and one more thing...stop speaking to those you have dated in the past. Seriously. There's no need to speak or text everyday. That's how you get mixed up and confused. Do yourself a favor and cease contact until YOU are ready. Focus on yourself before you focus on others. Don't worry about hurting their feelings. They will get over it. It's all part of letting go and keepin it pushin....

Sunday, August 19, 2007


Written Aug 17th 3:30am

I just want to see you
I just want to know you're there
I just want to feel you
I just want to know you care
I can almost reach you
WSmell the scent of your hair
I can almost kiss you
Your lips, your neck, everywhere
I just want you around
To hold, to please, to amaze
See nothing even matters
'Cause soon in your eyes I can gaze
Time is moving slowly
yet so swift it seems
I pray come morning
In my arms you will be
I just want to see you
I just want to know you're there
I just want to feel you
I just want to know you care
It may seem cliche
But that place up above
I'm sure you were sent from
I think I'm in....LOVE

Saturday, August 4, 2007

X Marks the Spot

gleaming, glistening
enticing my soul
stealing my vision
but I can't make it out.
I search for that which will complete us
hidden beneath years of pain and frustration
concealed behind walls
to protect its fragility
Scars and brusies have defected it surface
Yet there's still some luster to be discovered
Lead me to itI'm here and willing
Help me discover how to heal
and strip away its shield.
Longing to nurture, to hold and to help
it to regain its strength so it can
hopefully one day rid its
reluctance to beat with another
Another who's experienced the same
I've given you mine
my precious gift from deep within
Why don't I deserve the same?
Is it me?Am I flawed?
Is it someone else?
Whatever it may be
I haven't given up
I will continue
Sifting, tearing away
at that which protects
your HEART....

a weezy original*

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Child Rebel Soldier

CRS, Child Rebel Soldier, may be the next great hip hop Supergroup consisting of Kanye, Lupe, and Pharrell. This could change music for real. I pray they make it official. This song is called us Placers. "And they love it, and they love it..."

Love has No Color

Hooray for Multiculturalism!

Kevin Michael

Fresh new voice!

Fulfilling my purpose

“I really like this xcited feeling I get from u and whatever this relation/friendship is gonna do- I hope I never lose this feeling you give me..”-A Close Friend. I’ve come to realize this is my purpose in life…to bring joy to others. In the process, I get beat up pretty badly, but out of agony, ecstasy is born. I pray that one day joy will come my way from the soul of another…I think I will truly love when it is truly reciprocated. I feel as if it’s all been an illusion but one day it will be genuine. This pseudo love is like a virus which has evolved cellular constituents to trick their hosts into thinking it is not foreign. As a result our immune response is zero. We let our guards down because we recognize it as love. But over time, the viral defenses begin to wear out and show its true nature. My goal: Find love within myself. Infect myself with true love. This self-love will help me develop immunity against imposters so that the ONE will stick out. The ONE….